“How do you manage to have a work life balance and not just spend your time feeling guilty, either guilty about working when you should be spending time with the family or guilty about the amount of work not being completed when you spend time with the family.”
I honestly think that when you have a child they should tell you that you will feel guilt for the rest of your life. You will always feel guilty that what you’re doing isn’t good enough. There always seems to be some crappy newspaper headline alleging that research shows that what you’re doing means your children will suffer. Working, not working, not cooking pure foods, not spending enough time with them, spending too much time with them. Honestly, it can become too much. A simple answer is just to say ‘F**k off’. But I feel that I should elaborate a little more.
Guilt is a horrible emotion and linked to your expectations. Our expectations can make guilt worse so make sure your expectations are realistic.
With regard to parenting, there is no such thing as perfect parenting. Even me, a supposed professional in parenting and mental health, has made a lot of mistakes. What I have done is my best, and the choices I have made were the best within my circumstances. My children aren’t perfect and have issues but that’s ok. They’re good children and they are loved.
Think about your expectations around work as well. Be realistic with regard to your workload. If you’re working with people be realistic as to how you can help. I frequently remind people that we don’t make lives perfect but we can make lives better. Be careful not to get in the mindset that if you don’t achieve everything then it will be catastrophic. When you’re not at work, either through holiday or sickness, I bet they carry on and manage to cope. Remember that.
Take time to sit down and review your work life balance. Set boundaries on work life. Prioritise what is important with your children and let go of some things that really aren’t important (e.g. does it really matter if your towels aren’t folded neatly). Get children to do more for themselves if possible – it’s good for them.
Also ensure that you prioritise time for you. When you do that you will be more mentally able to manage/rationalise the guilt. When we’re exhausted we often feel more guilty.
You might also want to check out the resource “Managing Self-Criticism – Be your own best friend”. Guilt is self criticism.
Trust me, you are doing ok and it will be ok. As I said at the beginning, sometimes you just have to say ‘F**k off, I’m doing the best I can and that’s good enough.’
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