“A close friend of mine recently died and I’m really struggling day to day. I am just not feeling better. I feel guilty when I laugh and I’m sure everyone is sick of me crying all the time. Is there anything I can do to take away the pain quicker?”
Thank you so much for reaching out, and I’m really sorry to hear about the death of your friend. Losing someone close to us is always a painful process and whilst there isn’t a way of not feeling the pain, there are things you can do which may make the process easier. Grieving is an adjustment process, adjusting to life without that person and someone you loved.
It is painful but the pain will become more bearable as you adjust. Firstly, don’t beat yourself up for crying or struggling. Everyone’s grief journey is individual.
Secondly, don’t be afraid to talk about how you’re feeling, express your distress. If you feel that friends are becoming fed up with it tell them how it’s helpful for you to talk about it, find someone who is happy to let you talk about it. There’s a saying that the more you tell your story the shorter it becomes as you heal. You may also wish to find other ways of expressing your emotions through art or music. Don’t feel guilty when you laugh or feel happy, it’s important that you do.
Children do something called puddle jumping when they grieve – they have periods where they pretend it hasn’t happened and play/laugh as normal. This is a defence mechanism as they can’t cope with the intense sadness all the time so it’s important that they do this. It’s the same for adults, sometimes we laugh at inappropriate times to reduce the intensity of emotions. It’s a reflex action.
Take it day by day and if you feel that you’re not adjusting investigate bereavement counselling, it’s estimated that a third of people need bereavement counselling to help them
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