“I have a friend who continually complains about how fat she is and how bad she eats. She makes a big deal of having a bloated stomach and repeatedly says how disgusting she feels. Ironically, she is thin and I am a plus size person. I feel so insulted by what she says. Any advice how to handle this?“
Thank for your question and it’s something I have experienced a lot. It’s actually very rude but to be honest, many people who say these sort of things don’t actually think about what they’re saying or feel it applies to you. They’ve got this idea in their head that being fat means that they are somehow less worthy and of lower value. It’s something they will criticise themselves for but actually not feel it makes others less worthy. Many people are self critical about things they don’t mind in others.
However, it is inconsiderate and hurtful. Also, there are some people who are just rude, or saying it to try and motivate you into losing weight.
My suggestion is that you reply with any or all of the following:
“Are you aware of how you make me feel when you say that?
You are expressing that the worse thing to be is like me and how disgusting that is.
Whether you mean it or not, I would like you to be more mindful of not saying it in front of me.”
They will often say they didn’t mean it that way or that you look fabulous and they wish they could carry it off like you (another rude comment). They may say that you didn’t need to make them feel bad at which point you could remind them that that’s what they’ve been doing to you.
Hopefully this should stop them. If not, each time they say something about it just reply with “Isn’t it funny how we are all different, I would feel disgusting if I looked like you” or “I would really feel bad if I made other people feel bad like you do.” Harsh, but sometimes necessary to prove a point.
If it does carry on, I would consider whether you want to be their friend any more and distance yourself from them. Who needs friends who make you feel like crap?
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