I’m so angry at being wronged and the other person has had no consequences. What can I do?

“I’m so angry at being wronged and the other person has had no consequences. What can I do?”

I felt your anger as I was reading this, and to be honest, I felt angry for you. It’s not fair and my urge is to somehow become a champion for you to help you get justice. However, realistically you aren’t going to get justice. Things happen in life all the time that we can’t control and we feel wronged by. The key is that the only way you can move forward is to change how you think about it.

Someone wiser than me, and I forget who, said ‘Anger is a poison that only damages the person carrying it.’ What they’re saying is that, honestly, the other person probably doesn’t care that you’re angry at them. Or doesn’t care enough to change things, and so, you’re the only one bothered by this. So their actions are still affecting you. They still have an impact on your life.

The University of Kent did some research of the best coping strategies and came up with three steps. Accept, reframe and use humour. This is in line with CBT, and other therapeutic theories, that if you can’t change it, change how you think about it.

So accept yes. Yes they did you wrong and it had a negative impact on you. Yes, it was unfair. But it’s done. You can’t change anything about it. It doesn’t mean that it’s ok what they did, or that you will be friends again, but you’re not going to let it affect you any more.

Now try to reframe it. What positives have come out of this? Did you have a lucky escape from the friendship when you think about it. What have you learned personally that could help you in the future? Has it forced you to reflect and make changes? Perhaps you’ve learned that other people don’t have the same principals as you but you’re not going to change because principals are important to you.

Then in time, how can you laugh about it. And it may take some time but try to find humour in it. Laugh about the time an enemy was disguised as a friend.

If you’ve read this reply and thought that isn’t what I wanted to hear that’s ok. But just take some time to think about it. Ask yourself, how long do I want to continue letting this other person affect me?